Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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