yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
