That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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