if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
