Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
