I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Help me help you realize you are a moron
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
