I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
