i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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