I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
