I'm drive I can fine osifer
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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