I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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