What did we do last night that was yellow?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
