1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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