Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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