the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
