You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
