Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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