Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
where does the pee come out of this thing
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
