the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
