Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
