Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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