yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
