there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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