We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
