I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
