apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
