Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you had me at cake vodka
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
