You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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