i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
