haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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