my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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