i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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