Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
