either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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