I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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