I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
