WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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