Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
