We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
