who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
