Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
