I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
