I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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