Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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