Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she told me i tasted like america
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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