this beer tastes like vomit already
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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