So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
