RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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