i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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