I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
