she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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