oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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