I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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