she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
