ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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