Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
