if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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