I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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