Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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