some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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