So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
