dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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