Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
