Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
