Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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