Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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