So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
