jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
