I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
