Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
